Possibly my final plea for forgiveness and a second chance

As those friends who have read my posts and given me words of encouragement, hope, prayer and praise.... I have spent the past week and a few days reflecting back on what trust means. It means to live in harmony with ones self and knowing that the person you care for and want to spend your life with is trying to make it work too. Even if they are 2800 miles away. It means your mind does not have to think the worst if they dont return your message or call you right back right away.  It means that posting about hating when your mind wanders and wonders is not only the dumbest thing in the world but also is the dynamite that brought everything you had both built up and worked so hard on...crashing back down.  Letting that last one happen was the stupidest and most idiotic thing I could have done...ever.  I admit it was a HUGE mistake, but one that could be overcome I think.  There comes a time when everything you have fought for and shown how much you care and want to build up further with love and devotion to the one you believe in your heart is for you in your life, you come to a crossroads.  Which direction do you take?  Is that persons hand there to hold and follow along?  Is it a road you have to take alone and hope they are there where the path meets again?  Right now my path is shrouded in darkness even though my mind, body and soul are once again in unison.  I had plans set out for the future, but that was when my path was lit and clear.  Now I am laying the foundation and building brick by broken brick to get back to where I was before my mind decided to take the drivers seat and think without consulting with the rest of me.  Am I forever doomed or cursed to repeat this cycle?  Will my plans for the future with the beautiful woman I love never come to fruition?  Those that know me very well, know that I am a totally different mold than the typical guy.  I fight til the very end and even at that point I find something worth fighting for still.  Even when I have become exhausted I find that inner strength in myself that still believes.  When I know its right I go for it....all in...all my cards on the table...pouring my heart out for the one I love and cherish most.  I never was one for showing my emotions but you brought it out.  For that I thank you.  As much as it would crush me to know that you may not feel the same way for me, I still consider you a great friend and know that I will always be here for you as an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on and open arms to hug you and tell you everything will be ok.  So my friends, dont blame Anne Marie.  The blame goes on me for not trusting.  I know now what it means.  Again, all of me hopes and prays I get a chance to prove that choosing me whats the right choice all along.